Have you noticed that quite often people don’t keep their word? You know, they’ll say things like, “Oh yeah, I’m going to take out the garbage,” or “I’ll call you,” or “We’ll get together soon,” or “I’m going to do my homework.” But then often times they don’t. The interesting thing to me is that they generally don’t seem too bothered by it.
So I’ve spent some time thinking about why apparently good, caring people, would not care about keeping their word, and it came to me; these people don’t really think of what they said as promises or commitments, they think of them as intentions! In other words, they mean well, but they don’t really feel compelled to follow through, should following through become inconvenient. In fact, they may actually feel they should get some credit because of their good intentions.
One of the ways they justify reducing a promise to an intention is to place some kind of lessened value on it. “It’s no big deal,” they think, if they don’t follow through. “It’s not like it’s that important” and “I’ll get around to it when I have time.”
There are two very big problems with that kind of reasoning. First, it supposes that one person can determine what is or is not important to another person. Second, and more important, it erodes the integrity of the person not following through and subsequently reduces the likelihood of another person being able to trust them.
To live with integrity means you make no distinction between a promise and a vow. They are equal commitments. An intention is not a substitute for a commitment. An intention is your conscious desire to fulfill your commitment. And if your intention should change, you owe an explanation to the person to whom you made the commitment. If you forget or break a promise, you should make restitution with tangible behaviours, not further expressed intentions.
Living with integrity can be tough, but it’s worth it in the respect and trust you earn, both from yourself and others. One way to develop integrity is to hold yourself accountable to the promises you make. Think of them all as commitments. That way, no one will think your talk is cheap. Adapt what the wonderful Dr. Seuss said of the Whos in Whoville and remind yourself, “A promise is a promise, no matter how small.”
